Monday, 13 June 2016

AIA - All-inclusive Anonymous 01/04/16

Ring ring, went the telephone, in the week before Christmas.

"Hey, you're an atheist right? You don't celebrate Christmas do you?" Not what I'd expected to hear, but hey I went with it.
"Ummm, I like presents"
"Can you do me a favour?" asks the friend on the phone.

Now this is a dangerous request from said friend, as she has spawned four times, and perhaps wants a babysitter. Casually, I ask "what do you want?"

"I need you to come with me, my mum had an operation, her foot hurts, I'll lose the tickets, it's free, I need another adult to check in with me..."
"Tickets? Tickets for what?
"TURA, on Boxing day"
"What's on Boxing Day?"
"The flight" she said somewhat exasperated.

"Whoah, wait, hold up. Are you suggesting, that this 'big favour' you wanted to ask, is for me to go on a free holiday, on a fucking aeroplane?"
"Well that's just fucking awesome. I'll be there"
"You will?" she sounded both unsure and grateful.
"Why do you sound so surprised" I replied. "When have you known me to turn down free shit.....wait a minute, is there a catch? Are you abandoning me with the horde?"
"No, no, no you can go off if you want, get a hire car, whatever."
I thought this conversation couldn't get any better....and then she casually told me it was 'all-inclusive'.
I got excited about free food. And then, it dawned on me....I'd get free vodka too.

"Friend, I love you so much"

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