Saturday, 29 June 2013

Ipswich, Mouth, Castle & Snape

Donkey rides. I've not seen those since we were poor, and living in a council flat. Nostalgia, it's not what it used to be. Went to Ipswich. Disappointingly like London and full of Danis. The town centre was so crap I can't even remember it. Good thing I take notes. Saw a full blown chav pulling up in a 60 plate Merc to get a Chinese takeaway. Suspicious. And surprisingly, there were a lot of Chinese people. Could've been 'oriental' but I'd admit to assuming Chinese as there are billions of them.

Went through a railway crossing, this time with no barriers. I literally [and I don't use that term incorrectly] closed my eyes as I drove over. What if the bulb had blown? Note to self, do not live within 10 miles of a crossing, I'd have high blood pressure in a week. In London we have bridges. Nothing wrong with a good bridge. Sturdy, safe and out the way of a 10 ton death machine. At one point there were little side roads crossing the line, and within 200m there were 6 crossings - all with no barriers. Insanity. Crossing train driver off the list, too much stress.

Wind headache update. It's not a wind headache. It's a do some exercise you lazy bitch headache. How do I know this? Obviously, it wasn't windy, and I had a huge headache the same as before. It's now called my walking headache. Much shorter [and less offensive]. Only happens outside though, as I've been on the verge of dying in some of those castles, but all the while I've been OK. Am I now allergic to fresh air? Dear tuna, don't you think I suffer enough with the wheat intolerance?

So, this waking headache was brought on from me walking. To the mouth of the river Deben. Most awesome thing I've seen thus far. Took 20 minutes over those stupid shingles, but I made it. On the left the sea was crashing, rather excitedly, against the shingles. To my right, the water of the river was as quiet as a child with a lollypop. The distance was less than 8 metres. I could've made it to the very tip, but the tide was circling behind me, and I don't do unnecessary swimming. I don't do unnecessary anything, which may explain the headaches. It was truly remarkable. Isolated, secluded, serene. I could've spent hours there, if only it was sand. After that walk my leg was killing me, as each time I took a step, I'd slide 6in down the stupid shingle slope. The next day I was hobbling like a granny, and felt justified using the disabled toilet.

After what seemed like 12 years, I finally made it to Orford. I'd been trying to find somewhere to sleep, but the villages were too small, and mostly with driveways. There was a free car park in the middle of the 'main road' which was massive. Was probably once the village green. I arrived at 10pm, which for me was late, and as it is the last stop on a long road, I'd no choice but to stay there. I went for a short walk to find somewhere to smoke, as that night the loneliness set in. As I sat alone on the bench, I wondered what I'm doing here and what am I going to do with my life. I turned my head to the right and noticed an old post with a fire basket on the top, with '1553' written on it. That's old I thought, and I jumped up, turned round, and behind me was Orford Castle. That's what I was doing there. Exploring the wonderful history of our country, seeing the beauty it has to offer and giving myself the time to experience life fully. Yes, I got all that from a castle. One that wasn't even open yet. I didn't even know there was a castle when I headed down there, I'd been emotionally lost and neglected to check my English Heritage book.

At 5am I moved to the castle car park. I was astounded when I woke up mast 9:22am, and I blame the American tourists. They were in on of the largest car we have. I'm surprised they didn't hire a bus. Sometimes life is just like the movies. I liked them though, they got visitor membership for EH, and they were polite during our visit. Children well behaved, unlike the English and French hordes in Dover. I was so pleased to have found it, as its turned out to be a very interesting little castle. One of the first to utilise the heat from the chimney to warm the rooms around them. Which incidentally, were tiny. We'd call the Kings bedroom a box room. They even had toilet cubicles. Apparently they averaged 5”2 in those days, which explains why I fit perfectly in every door, archway and staircase. It has one spiral staircase going round to the left, as it allows more room for the defenders, coming down to swing a sword. The chapel even had glass windows and there was a bakery on the roof. It cost a then, staggering £1000 to build, 1/10th of the yearly income of the King [can't remember which one and don't really care]. Imagine what you could build for £1k now. You'd probably only manage a glorified shed.

Finally, I went to a town called Snape, for obvious Harry Potter reasons. Nothing. Not even a reference. You'd think they'd have something there as I can't be the only one that drove 10 extra miles to visit. Or am I really that strange? Don't answer that.


  1. You realise you have posted this post 3 times?


  2. Haha. Finally catching up and I am cracking up. Sprite. NOOOO! Lol

    stay safe you.


    1. Hey! Glad you like it. And please...don't get me started again, I've only just calmed down!