Sunday, 9 June 2013

My first fake day

I consider this is a fake day, as I stayed at a friends house and it didn't feel like I'd fully started on my quest. It began at 8 am, so that I could get to Canvey Island and replace the timing belt at a cost of £220. Imagine that, paying someone to get me out of bed early. Said goodbye to the fam and got to driving. By the time I'd arrived, a mere half-hour later, my mum and sister had sent messages that they missed/will miss me. Awwww.

I love the road to Canvey - Remberance Way - perfectly tree-lined until it opens up to the view of the island. Beautiful, no matter how many times I've driven it. Everything was going well, Oz (the car) was half naked having parts removed left, right and centre and I was trying to not be bored. And then the admiration for me began. I like admiration, but not before lunch. In the owner of the company, I stumbled upon another willing male who wanted to join me on my adventure. But only after he comes back from his two-week holiday. No problem, I'll just drive back home and wait for you. KMT. He text me after I'd left, asking if I wanted to help him shop for holiday clothes, and have dinner. Me? Clothes shopping? Yes please. And for those of you that don't know me, that was sarcasm. If it's not a charity shop, I'm not interested. The phone was off, so I couldn't reply, but had I got the message, I'd have accepted the dinner. Rule number 4.1: never turn down free food when you hate cooking.

I arrived outside my friends in Southend. It was a surprise party and I was early, so had to wait outside for 45 minutes. During that time I had the pleasure of listening to her male neighbour singing like a cat, to an unfortunate selection of songs, featuring Celine Dion and Whitney Houston. At the top of his lungs. He was trying so very hard. Trying to ignore the auditory bombardment, I checked the local paper to see what opportunities presented themselves. I found nothing local, but have a few ideas to try in other areas. Two being caravan parks and animal shelters. Maybe they'd like someone with them overnight? As long as there aren't any cows I'll be OK.

So here's the first fun part of the day. Losing my car (now house) keys. Yep. Day one, I lost the keys. Turns out I'd dropped them inside my friends car. That seem OK to you, but I couldn't check until I got to his car the following morning, some 16 hours later. As a consequence, I had to borrow a dress which was a size 12. I'm so proud I for in it, and yet sadly, realistic enough to know it was a stretchy dress. It was a dress with dogs on. Woof.

Had food at the gathering, and then onwards to 'town', so we could meet the chavs. And yet, nothing could prepare me for big-eared man. He had the face of someone with special needs, the ears of Dumbo and the stomach of someone with an eating disorder. The disorder being that he must eat everything in his path. And we had the pleasure of seeing it [the stomach] , and his C-cup man boobs, whilst he was trying to compare muscles with a gym instructor. Seriously. This man kept trying to chat me up. The fifth time he tried I spoke only with my middle finger. I thought it had worked, but he just stared at me from a slightly safer distance. Maybe he thought I was a snack.

We chilled the next morning, I had a shower and her BF cooked me an awesome mushroom and cheese omelette. Reminded me of my Neopet days running an omelette shop. It's a game, I didn't literally sell omelettes. In that house, they love tea. So much so, I could live there forever. I had at least 6 cups of tea made for me. What more could you want?

I finally dragged myself away to start my mission to Kent. Oz wouldn't start. Imagine that at the door saying goodbye, waving and shit, and the damn car wont turn on. I tried 5 times, smashed my head against the steering wheel and resigned myself to the fact, they he is no longer capable of starting with anything less than 1/4 tank of fuel. Thankfully, she lives closer than any human I know to a petrol station, so I took my little plastic can [first time ever] and got fuel. Whilst paying I looked back from the till, as you do to find pump number, had a mini-panic-attack, and then reminded myself the car wasn't there to begin with. Filled him up and off I went. Thankfully.

1 comment:

  1. Hello! This is Yellow! :)

    I love this post! :)