Monday, 27 May 2013

Gumtree Travel Partners; also known as the secret wife finding service

I decided to put an advert on the Gumtree, to find people to travel with. Well, that was a mistake and a half. What I hadn't anticipated was the barrage of calls and messages from overly-optimistic-Muslim-men trying to find a wife.

A few were genuinely interested in joining me on the adventure, however, the vast majority wanted to date me, shag me, pamper me, or marry me. One of them offered to 'have me for a month' as his girlfriend - no strings attached he said. Another wanted to give me £100 to drive to Wales first and 'spend time' with him. A third rang at 2am. Needless to say I shouted at him, and the human that called at 7am on a Sunday morning. They had the audacity to say I was rude. I shouted louder.

I should add, that at no point did this advert suggest sexy shenanigans and neither did it include a picture. Granted, I'm a cute looking human being, but I could have been the ugliest bitch on the planet. Seriously, I knew men could be desperate, but this was...desperate.

My favourite respondent was Graham, who very kindly offered to let me camp in his field. Thanks Graham, I think I will.

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