Wednesday, 24 July 2013

The Summer Fete and hay fever from hell

Went up the river for an afternoon trip. I wasn't going to stay as Dan prefers to cruise for a bit and park up at midday for the night. I want to cruise all day and stop at 9pm. Apparently the 'best part' is relaxing on the moorings. Umm, no, the best part is driving the boat.

When we arrived my car was scratched [turns out it was a dog]. I walked over to Dan, who was at the time talking to James. 'My cars been scratched'. A woman said, very abruptly 'move it then'. Well nice to meet you too. Never even seen her before. I walked off. It's not my yard, let's not cause additional drama. Dan stopped to talk to her. Well to ask what her problem is. Apparently, I'm making a fool out of him and I'm not welcome here. Dan enlightened her, that no one makes a fool out of him and there is nothing sexual going on [mini-mouth-sick]. Considering how ugly she was [inside and out] her problem would be jealously. Rumours had indeed been spread. I found out another had approached Reg telling him the 'scandal'. ”That woman, spent the night on Dan's boat”. So, said Reg, she's been on my boat too. Oh, said the gossiping ex police man, and he sheepishly walked off. Reg, with his glorious way with words, stated that some people don't deserve to be on this planet, they should mind their own fucking business, and find something else to do with their pathetic lives. People are so two-faced. Why can't a person just be friendly? Why must their be something untoward happening? Stupid bitches.

After that, I decided to leave the boat yard, and Dan was not happy at all. Feeling somewhat guilty, we decided the best thing to do would be to meet down there river where I could park, and he could moor. Dan, having to wait for the tide, was due to arrive at 10am, I was already there by 6am. I saw a man walking the dog and thought he was crazy. That was until a group of school children walked past at 6:23am [I checked]. Imagine telling London children on a school trip that they had to wake up at 6:30, let alone be washed, dressed and walking down a river. That afternoon, I introduced him to the world of Nexy - Google Nexus 10. He was fascinated, and so impressed at the ease of use, he's vowed to get one [much to his stepsons annoyance - stupid Apple groupie]. We looked at Google sky map, for over an hour that afternoon, i explained what stars were [suns], and the colours, sizes, distances. Solar system vs galaxy etc. He was again fascinated. It was decided that later we would look at the stars. What a fantastic sight. Cassiopeia was there, as was of course Ursa Major. I love the moment when someone first sees it. They are so shocked. I can't believe in all those years, he'd never noticed it. I also managed to locate Bootes. He's flipping huge! No wonder I kept missing him.

The next day there was a country fete on! How quaint. Face painting, stocks, catch a duck and Dan's favourite - smash-a-plate. He spent £5 throwing balls at crockery. There were two Biltons plates there and I was having such a breakdown at them getting smashed, he bought them for me. Those babies were hand painted in the 70s, what's wrong with those people? Smash Tesco plates dammit, not vintage pottery. For those of you who don't know why I'm having a moment, it's because I ran a vintage pottery store.

We were watching children dance - badly. Dan has a problem if his back isn't against a wall, so when I wouldn't sit next to him [under a tree] he walked off in a huff and disappeared for an hour. PMT? I was having the worst hay fever day I've had in the last 10 years. Why would i sit under a fucking tree. I couldn't breathe, had tissue stuck my nose, plus smelly stuff, and I was blatantly overdosed on anti-h. In the end, I put a wet towel over my face and waited to die. [I'd just like to add that as I sit here tapping this up, a pigeon has just kindly shit all over my car.]

He's a little irritating. Keeps repeating himself all the time. 7 times he asks me for tea. If I have a back ache he'll say 5 times that I can sleep in the car. Which i know. He's told me a zillion times we're friends and he enjoys my company and that I'm a tonic. He's like an insecure woman. If I leave for more than an hour, he's calling me. And a farmer laughed at me because as he opened the gate where the cows were, I ran like the wind, even though there were no cows in the field.

Dan banged his head on the boat door, and then proceeded to punch the door frame. Twice. And then he spoke to my mum. Old people. Can't complain too much - he taught me how to throw knives into a tree - or an enemy's back...

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