Tuesday, 23 July 2013


I'm back from the boat trip, and I'm bored as I can't paint the boat without Paul. I decide to walk around and see if there are any new people to talk with. On the way round, I met with Reg, Mick and Ben. Ben, to those who aren't 'friends' with him, know him as 'the man who is dying'. He had 6 months to live, 9 months ago. He's trying to fix his boat so he can go out on her again. I hope he makes it.

Someone 'new' was there today, talking to Mick about his boat, in the adjoining workshop. I say hello, hi and ask to see his boat. It's a tiny 2-berth, little more than a water-car. I ask about it, few questions about the painting he's doing, engine, age and other assorted boat words. We talk more, he's married. I ask about his wife. He tells me of her work [away from home], how long they've been married, where they live etc. He asks me the equivalent questions, I answer, blah blah exploring England. This is 10 -15 mins max. I'm setting a scene here, bare with me. Description. 50ish. 5”7. Balding. Extremely large beer-belly. 3/10 face. Overall scruffy. In a nutshell; short, fat and ugly. Moving on. Conversation as follows. Have I've been to the [only] pub? No, I heard it was crap. They sell beer. I don't and can't drink it, I normally drink vodka. They sell vodka too. I'm sure they do. They sell vodka too. I heard you, are you suggesting you'll buy me one? Yes. Well I like vodka, and boats, so why not? Conversation done. As usual, I'm talking about 1000 things at once. Blah blah blah, he sold his other boat, which was outside, near Paul's. We walked round to look at it. Blah blah boat talk. He then puts his arm over my shoulder. You country people are too touchy, I say, as I remove his paw. Then. Then. He spins me round, pulls me tight against his body and puts his hands, firmly on my bum. I won't repeat what I said next.

Now my questions to you are, at which point did I suggest to this man, that that was acceptable? Am I naive to the way of men? Should I have expected it?

After I'd finished being sick in my mouth, I went round to Dan's for a cup of tea, and a moan. He wanted to kill him. Which is why I didn't tell him who, because he may well have.  Didn't stop him hunting round for clues. Went for a smoke with him, although he couldn't understand why I wouldn't smoke it on the pontoon. Just because you can't smell the difference Dan, doesn't mean others won't, besides, it's inconsiderate to smoke that near other people.

Saw the hugest caterpillar in the world. It was easily 3” long. I picked it up on a leaf and ran down to show Dan. He likes that kind of stuff. No idea what it was, but the idiot touched it anyway. Good thing he didn't die.

We went to the post office/shop and a woman behind us asked if she could pay by card. Cashier said there was a charge, but she could withdraw money free from the post office counter [2 steps away]. We carried on being served and then the woman said 'I can't get any money out'. This special breed of human being, was trying to get money out of a chip and pin machine. The cashier looked her dead in the face and said 'I have to be on the other side to give you the money'. We just laughed in her face. She was blonde, but I'm sure that had nothing to do with it.

My neck was killing me the next morning [perhaps from laughing so hard], and I had to tell Dan 3 times that I didn't want a massage. Better than the 5 times I had to tell him last week, that I wasn't massaging his back. I don't care if it hurts. I'm not ironing out back wrinkles.

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